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Leaveing

September 21, 2006

The colors are returning to the leaves, I drive the pike and notice the pop of color along the road. Its fall. Today is crisp and windy, perfect sweatshirt weather. I’m so ready for fall, I don’t know if I’ve ever been this ready.

I realized recently, that maybe it’s because it marks the end of the year nearing and I want this year to be over. Technically because I’m Jewish, my year ends Friday night… I’ve never felt like it signifies the end of the year for me, its more like a milestone in my religious year. My Bubba called me Sunday night to say hi. We did the “How are you…” and started to skirt around the obvious, I’m crappy because my father/son died… but we finally somewhat, sort of acknowledged it. Then, the reason for her call, she started to wish me a happier and healthier New Year and I could tell she was holding back tears. Yes it’s true that I’ve never acknowledged Rosh Hashanah as my new year, but this year I definitely can’t- I’m not ready to say “Okay time to have a better year.” I don’t think my Bubba was ready to wish it upon me either, she couldn’t get it out without the reality of why she has to wish it becoming too much. I’m just ready to feel like something is changing, something is shifting, and maybe I can start to put some of it into the “___ sucked” category. Like in June I could say, “May sucked.” and now that its fall I can say “summer sucked.” Soon, I’ll be able to say “2006 sucked.”

For my Bubba I’ll try to stay positive, a New Year will come whether I acknowledge it now or in January, and I’ll hope for it to be happier and healthier too, as much as saying it makes me choke up a little too.

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