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I’m breaking up with you

September 28, 2006

A friend of mine recently broke up with her boyfriend. He put his hand on her shoulder, looked her straight in the eye and said, “I’m breaking up with you.” Sure, “Breaking up is hard to do…” but there are some rules people should at least try to follow. When I was in high school my Junior year boyfriend broke up with me like this:

I went over to his house to pick him up, we were going out for an anniversary dinner- I think we had been together for 3 months- I was very excited not only to go out to dinner but because we hadn’t kissed all day (keep in mind I was 16 1/2 kissing was HUGE). Our friends had gotten sick of all our kissing in public so we had put it on hold for the day. I went up to his room as he got ready to go. I was sitting on the end of his bed, I can still picture the set up of his room- where he was standing, where I was sitting. He started talking… “Adrienne, you know how a girlfriend or boyfriend is kind of like friendship with lust?” At this point I started to get nervous, where was this conversation going? I soon realized, no where good. “Adrienne, I’ve lost the lust for you.” I immediately thought, what if we hadn’t not kissed all day, would he have realized he lost the lust? As much as I remember the details of his room, I don’t remember what I did next. I know the night ended abruptly even though he suggested we still go to dinner, I drove home in tears and immediately had two friends come over to vent with. My Dad even offered to go “beat him up.” in that cute protective joking Dad way. Sitting on my couch, talking to my friend who has just gone through a shitty break up talk I offered to go beat him up, I guess I do have a lot of my Dad in me.

Houston (that was my Junior year boyfriend’s name) and I had talked during a walk once about his homosexual experiences with a couple of guys a few years earlier, he was curious, but confused as he really liked women too… I didn’t think too much of it- he was a pretty eccentric guy and I didn’t judge. I told a couple of friends about this after we broke up, joking that “he must be gay if he lost the lust for me… I mean look at me, right?” Unfortunately this got back to him, as most information does in high school, and we never were able to be friends.

It is something I’ve always regretted. We had a good connection, Houston and I, and I never wanted him to think I spread rumors he was gay. During college I tried to find out what had happened to him, where he’d ended up, I wanted to reconcile- I wanted us to be friends. The last I heard he was moving to Russia to marry a Russian woman.

My friend suggested remaining friends when her boyfriend broke up with her. Hand on her shoulder, serious look in his eyes, telling her he was breaking up with her, she wanted to stay friends. He said it could be awkward, she said only if we make it be. Post break up talk, he left her notes, tried to be friends, it was too hard. So she went to him, like a mature adult. She talked it through with him, told him what a jack-ass way that was to break up with her, told him everything that had been running through her head since the night of the break up. Suggested that in time that be friends, but not right now. That should be a rule. Get it all out there, so you can actually be friends. Sure vent with your close friends, call him names and convince yourself of how bad the person is, but ultimately go to the person… maybe you can be friends.

Granted I was a Junior in highschool and technically we’re now “Adults” but I still look at how my friend handled the situation and want to highlight it. She took a jack-ass way of breaking up and didn’t make the person suffer, as I inadvertantely did, she told him what she thought, laid it out for him… and I think they will be friends.

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