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Now

April 4, 2007

Moving to NYC to do list and status:

Unpack: Done

Buy stuff: Done, only need Blinds for bedroom

Decorate: Done

Hang Pictures: Done

Open new Bank Account: Done

Open Joint Bank Account: TBD (to be done)

Explore Neighborhood: TBD

Find Favorites (restaurants, nail salons, hair place, pharmacy, etc): TBD

See old Friends: TBD (starts Friday with Abby!)

Have Visitors: TBD (First one is Jaimie this weekend!)

Find Job: TBD (had a couple of interviews though…)

Visit out of state and then come back and have this feel like home: TBD

My first week here I slept like a rock, I’d be manically unpacking and shopping during the day and then pass out at night, no thoughts to stir me awake, nothing to keep me up and anxious.

Into the second week I started to have restless nights, I’d lay down to sleep and just toss and turn and think about all the things to do, what we still had to buy, how much money had been spent, how fast April was going to fly by and would I find a job, that my Dad was dead. One night I wanted to get up, my typical sleeplessness activity, surf MySpace and write a blog full of emotion and darker thoughts and angst. But I didn’t, it wasn’t as easy. I had Matt sleeping next to me and I didn’t want to wake him and have him worry, I would have to patter down a hall and into the living room, the computer wasn’t on a desk at the foot of my bed anymore. So instead I sat up in bed, I let the thoughts swirl through my head, I almost wrote a full “blog” in my head, but I just sat, I let it work itself through without taking action. It helped, I lay back down minutes later and probably went to sleep soon after that.

Things are different here, its not the same life, I really am living this one though, sure having no job makes it different makes it seem vacation like, but many things are still the same and I’m adjusting to how they fit differently into this new chapter of life. I’m living in each moment, doing what I want in those moments, whether it be waking up depressed and just wanting to stare out the window, or waking up energized and wanting to get shit done. I’m doing what my body and mind want, taking the energy and using it in the moment. Right now I don’t really have anything big to pin my thoughts out to look forward to, literally look forward to, I have these moments, this time to live in fully and enjoy and I’m making it work. No more in between times, no more just wait till we get to this date. I’m here, this is now.

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