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Club Duties

July 14, 2007

We were driving back from Tybee and the Crab Shack, we had just seen dolphins, had dolphins swim 50 feet away from us. We were headed to Sonic for frozen drinks. It was lovely. The AC was pumping and we were full of crab and clam and still a little wet from the beach, but it was good. I saw a friend call me for the second time and thought, “hmm I should pick this up”. She had bad news. She had just heard that another friend’s* mom had committed suicide and he and his dad had found her. I was devastated, and I didn’t want to be. I hardly knew him anymore, but I felt his pain. I wanted to enjoy the moment I was in, I didn’t want my head clouded with grief, I didn’t want to be taken to a place of sorrow, I was frustrated with the process. Even though I really had no connection to him anymore I still felt so strongly, my heart was open to it because of what I’d been through. You can’t control these things, I tried to and it kept flowing back, so I just let myself feel it. I drifted out of the conversation in the car, I sat back and watched the Spanish moss covered trees fly by. I drank my frozen drink slowly and silently. I let myself feel it, and then I was able to enjoy the moments around me again.

I’m sending him this card today:

Eric,

The easiest way to start is to say I’m sorry. I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. I know the pain, grief, frustration, anger, sorrow, heartbreak you are feeling. Although our losses are different and we are different people, I think in some ways what you’ll experience will be similar to me, and I want you to know that if you need anything don’t hesistate to let me know. If it’s to vent, ask questions, just be around someone who “gets it”, I’m here. Someone told me last summer, who had also experienced a great loss, “it is possible.” That is been something I’ve thought about often as I waded through the mourning process. It is possible to get out the other side and feel a bit better, it is possible to continue your life, your “new normal” as I call it with a huge gaping hole in your life, it is possible. Again, I’m here if you need anything. The entrance fee fucking sucks, but once you’re in the club, the other members are very nice and will do anything to help a new member.
Wishing you peace and serenity in this process.
Love,

Adrienne

*He is a guy I went to camp with, who I was fairly close with 10 years ago on our camp trip to Israel, but I haven’t seen him in probably 6 or 7 years. Matt plays poker at his apartment sometimes, but he isn’t always around.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 16, 2007 9:23 pm

    Wow–this is so sad and powerful. My heart goes out to them.

  2. July 16, 2007 9:23 pm

    Wow–this is so sad and powerful. My heart goes out to them.

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