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The Ball Hit Me

February 20, 2008

Sometimes you just need to let it out. Watching “Definitely, Maybe” a scene towards the end that would give something, granted it is an obvious outcome, away if I described it, made me cry. Hard, real, full of sadness tears, that weren’t because of the movie- but because of life. The experiences I’ve had now connect me to story lines real and fictional on a level that if hit at a certain spot, from the right angle leave me sobbing. This is the first time I experienced it, and in the moment I didn’t really know what to do with it, I was in a movie theater, I couldn’t just let myself cry. So, I stopped myself, finished watching the movie and walked back out to the real world. I couldn’t shake the sadness. I sat at a manicurists table and had my nails done, wishing I was home curled under blankets sobbing.
So, when I got home- that’s what I did. I just let it all out, and in minutes I felt infinitely better, lighter, relieved. I was amazed at the change in mood just letting it out provided. Thinking about it more, I remembered a saying I used in college when friends and I would talk about feeling like we just needed a good cry- we were waiting for a ball to hit us in the head. The ball is that something, that little push you need to get over the edge, to give you the reason to let it all out.
I didn’t want this post to come off as sad, and I’m afraid it did. My intention is to document what I experience and feel, and I guess lately much of it has been some realization of sadness in my life and how it flows through me, how I manage it and the new levels of living with it I go through.

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