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Hibiscus to Dad

June 22, 2008

Sometimes when I say something out of the blue, I’ll follow it up with an explanation of my train of thought. I enjoy being able to trace the thought back to something concrete, to follow where my mind took me from a certain trigger to a conclusion.
Earlier this week, I was walking south on Lexington to 92nd and all of a sudden just thought, wow- my Dad is dead. I ruminated on how interesting it is that those types of thoughts will just pop in to my head from time to time, that although I think of him often and my loss, it will often just hit me that I had a Dad and now I don’t.
In this instance though I decided to trace it back. I had just walked by a flower shop and saw a really lovely hibiscus tree and thought how nice it would be to have one. I chided myself thinking, there’s no way I could have one because there is no good outdoor space for it. Then I concluded that the outdoor space I would think of to put it is Mom’s house, and that lead me to thinking of new outdoor plants she’s put in, which made me remember the hydrangea bush she got, which was after Dad died. Then there it was, my Dad is dead.
In some ways it was comforting to follow my train of thought, to watch where my mind will take me and know where triggers may lie.

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