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Turn, Turn, Turn

September 16, 2008

Oh this blog. What can I say that is really that different from my last post, besides the obvious that I got married and went to Hawaii? Not much. There is a lot of change swirling around in my life right now, and it is hard for me from moment to moment to stay grounded in the happy changes that have occurred. I’m a married woman now, and it feels great. In some ways that is the smallest change in terms of adjustment because it feels so right, and brings me to exactly where I’m supposed to be.
On the plane to Hawaii I was uneasy, it wasn’t because I was going to Hawaii and it wasn’t because I was married, it was everything else that the wedding being over meant would come next.
After Hawaii I had to come back home and really start my job search, before Hawaii I was kind of job searching and getting lucky but mostly just finishing up details for the wedding and reveling in not having to go to work.
After Hawaii I have to figure out where to take the rest of my life, I have to start getting things in order for even bigger and better changes to come.
It is a lot, and although I’m good at change and going with the flow- the old adage is so true- it isn’t easy.
Everyday is different, which is good, but everyday has moments of fear and is often filled with anxiety at what will come next. I can’t think about the future too much, mostly because I work myself up thinking things like, “What if I don’t have a job by then?”
But the good things are, I’m recognizing my needs. I know I have to get out of the apartment as much as I can and not let myself be tied to my desk, so I am. When I think back to the Spring I moved to NY and was looking for a job I see myself as miserable. This Spring I remember walking through the park and thinking- “why was I not here last Spring?” I was tied to my desk, and it wasn’t good. I need to start moving more, the week has been a little messed up with still adjusting to the time zone difference and I’m not as energetic as I’d like to be- and damn if exercise isn’t the best stress/anxiety buster that doesn’t come in a bottle I don’t know what is.
The best thing is, and Matt keeps reminding me of this, my personal life is great. We’re married and it is thrilling and exciting and just how it should be.

With every season, right?

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