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And now, entering the ring… Judge Mental!

June 28, 2009

I can be judgmental, it is something I try and work on. I stop myself sometimes when I know I’m about to be judgmental about someone or something, and when I find I just have to vent or get something out I try and preface it with, I’m about to be judgmental. Overall, I am not a mean person- I don’t want to be a mean person, I really am a very nice and positive person, I’m open minded and always ready and willing to hear the other side of the story, see the other perspective and remind others to keep that in mind too. In some ways this judgmental part of me doesn’t quite fit- but it’s there and I can’t hide it. Sometimes it can be fun, really getting in to something with someone, being snarky, letting it all hang out. As fun as it can be, I usually end up feeling kind of bad about myself afterwards.
Anyway- enough “Oh I can be judgmental but its really not who I am and I feel bad about it” talk.
Several people we invited couldn’t come to our wedding, which was fine. Those people who were family of Matt’s that couldn’t come sent a nice card/note and a check- something that they do on his Grandma’s side of the family. Very nice. One person who Matt’s Grandma adores and who Matt’s Mom is also fond of couldn’t come, which we expected, but then never sent a card or a gift. Now- I don’t want to make it seem like I’m greedy, because that’s definitely something I’m not. I didn’t want the gift or even expect it from those that didn’t come to the wedding. However, it was something that was expected from this family member and frankly it hurt Matt that it wasn’t received. To us it felt like she was saying, “You don’t matter to me enough to make it worth my time to go to your wedding, and you’re not going to get any recognition that it even happened.” That kind of hurts. To top it off, we’d been told over and over what a lovely woman she is, how gorgeous and huge her house is, and how well she’s done for herself after losing her husband. Okay…
So then, we find out that she’s throwing a party for Matt’s Grandmother’s Uncle and we’re invited and have to come. Now, I was happy to meet the Great-Great Uncle as I’d heard great things about him, but we started to struggle with going to this Woman’s house who we felt had given us this strong message. So, the judging started. I complained, to everyone I could (and of course felt always a bit bad about it after). I probably came off sounding like an ass too. But I let myself get caught up in the judgment instead of thinking what a nice family event this would be.
So, long story long- we go to the house today. The house is gorgeous. The Great-Great Uncle is Great. The woman is friendly and nice. Then, as the evening is wrapping up and we’ve overall had a really nice time, she says,
“How long have you been married now? Is this your second anniversary? Cause I have a gift for you tonight and I want to make sure I’m not too late.”
I did a good job hiding the shock. I also did a good job chastising myself for letting my judgmental side get the better of me.
A good reminder of how you can be a bigger and better person shouldn’t go unmissed, and this one certainly didn’t.

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