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May 14, 2010

I had almost 50 hits on the post about the Deathaversary.  For a little blogger like me, that is something.  Let me talk briefly about what I think it means.

1.  Facebook is a good means of networking blogs… friends love to click on links and hear more detail about what you’re up to outside of status updates.

2. More importantly I think it speaks to the resonance of loss.

Americans are afraid to talk about loss, sadness, grief and death.  We avoid it, we teach people how to cover it up, we have a whole industry of self-help that in many way encourages people to find ways to avoid problems rather than face them head on and do the tough work of processing.

I’d like to think that my frank way of talking about death, how it still affects me and the forms it is currently manifesting itself in, appeals to people who are looking for a way to know that it is okay to be sad, scared and confused and not want to run away.  Or, need the encouragement to not run away from how they are feeling.

So, let’s talk about it.  Why is it worth it to face the truth head on?  Why is it worth it to deal with your feelings when you’re feeling them?  Sure, you’ll be stronger, smarter, more equipped to live life to the fullest.  You’ve heard that one before.  More importantly you’ll be you.  Avoiding grief, avoiding how you’re truly feeling about anything, it doesn’t have to be the death of a parent or other key person in your life, will cause you to become a shell of yourself.  You work so hard to avoid that one or few emotions that you’re not expressive, you’re not passionate, you are definitely not happy and you find you’re not sad either.  Avoiding one or a few scary emotions means you probably won’t feel at all.

I’ve been there.  I forgot about myself in the grief process and focused on others.  When it was time for me to face reality and focus on myself, it was damn hard, very scary and I wanted to curl up and avoid.  With the encouragement of my family I got through it, I looked at sadness in the face, I let myself see my Father dying over and over again in my head and I cried, and I got angry, and I got happy to.  I lived my life with sadness in my heart and found reasons and ways to be happy at the same time.  It wasn’t as easy as it sounds in one sentence.  Now, I’m in touch with how I feel, who I am and what I need.

Everyday, we live in a groundless world.  Embrace it.  There isn’t anything holding us up, except ourselves.

One Comment leave one →
  1. brookem permalink
    May 25, 2010 5:35 pm

    “I lived my life with sadness in my heart and found reasons and ways to be happy at the same time.”
    that’s the best way to do it, i think. awknowledge the sadness, really let yourself feel it and validate it, but at the same time, know that it’s okay to be happy too.

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