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Bitten Nails and Lovely Storms

July 29, 2011

When I was pregnant, I had amazing nails.  They were hard, I didn’t bite them or my cuticles, they were long and lovely.  Right after I had Emilio I still had the lovely nails, but I bit them down so I wouldn’t scratch my little boy, and so I could use my pinky as a pacifier for him when he needed one.

Now, 6.5 months later, my nails are disgusting.  I can’t help biting, I’m picking my cuticles like crazy.  Its bad.  What is it a symptom of?  What am I taking out on my nails?

A blogger I read posted a photo recently of her during maternity leave and said, “It was the best, most unstressful time of her life.”  It got me thinking, about my maternity leave.  I don’t think I’d describe it as unstressful, but I do think I would describe it with words like best.  My days were free, only slighty scheduled around Emilio’s nap and eating times and I didn’t really have any thing to worry about besides caring for a baby.

Now that I’m back at work, life is busy, really busy.  I work at a fast paced busy start up that doesn’t really lend itself to much work life balance so I have to work really hard to achieve it.  I get home and try to soak up as much time as I can with my boy while also getting the dog fed and walked, laundry on and myself fed.  On the weekends it is another rush to soak up time with our son and each other, to spend time with family and friends and get some down time too while also maintaining our house.

Maybe that’s why my nails are a mess.

But would I change it?  I love what I do, I love HR, I love helping people and a company succeed.  I also love daycare and how it helps Emilio socialize and grow.  I love that he gets to spend time with his grandmothers during the week and the relationship he’s building with them.

There is a small piece of me, somewhere that feels like something has to change, something has to give, but I don’t think it is going to any time soon.  We’re going to keep rushing along trying to balance it all.  Maybe in a year, maybe in two something we’ll allow either of us to have more time at home, more time with Emilio, more time to keep ourselves and our house kept up.

So while we’re in this flurry, this lovely storm of raising a new child, I need to remind myself to slow down sometimes and just enjoy.

We’ve kind of started this tradition, of every Sunday late in the day, we put on some music, put a blanket on the floor and play with Emilio.  It is moments like that that we need to keep creating, where it is just us and nothing else matters.  And I don’t bite my nails.

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